I am going through something similar to an “identity crisis”, although I don’t think that quite nails it. I have been learning Tarot Oracle and Metaphor cards for the greater part of a year now, and it’s so fascinating to me. I really can “read” them, and I could do it professionally, although I am not a psychic.
Having said that there are natural intuitive abilities that we all have, and I am able to do what anyone can do. The cards have shown me there is another world on the inside and that the mind is a powerful tool that is ready for programming. In fact it programs non stop, we just should really make that work to our benefit.
The “crisis” comes in when I realize that I can’t share it with people I know without exhaustive explanation. There are many misconceptions, and it’s just tiring to think about all I’ve learned in the last year, and then attempting to communicate that.
I can feel a healing coming on this year of co dependent relationships, and taking control of my thought patterns, and coming out of the full blown PTSD funk I have been in since I got back from over seas.
Today was an emotional day. To cap it off, I made some Ramen Noodles and found myself staring into them, and tears on my cheeks. I remember how the people I knew over there SHARED one single package of these noodles among two or three people, with rice of course. I suppose that’s not so bad, as long as you have some rice and maybe some other nibblet. But I remember being so sad the first time I saw that. The kids were so tiny, and so undernourished, yet well cared for. I had already been there years, and had seen all manner of things before this. Even so, I remember that day, even with my terrible memory and broken brain that blocks everything. I think it was because I had never considered splitting one package among a few people. It is strange what stands out though. I had already witnessed abject poverty daily long before that moment. Who knows why certain things stick.
I hardly ever think of that place, those places and those times that were seven years of my life.